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Arrow Question / Issue:

"What are some considerations when preparing for marriage?"

"What are the most important things in preparing for a Catholic wedding?"

 

Arrow Answer / Resources:

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Regarding preparing for marriage, the Catechism of Pope St. Pius X states...

Q. How should those about to be married prepare themselves to receive this sacrament with fruit?

A. In order to receive this sacrament with fruit, those about to be married should: (1) Earnestly recommend themselves to God, so as to know His will and obtain the graces necessary for that state; (2) Consult their parents before making any promise, because obedience and the respect due to them demand this;+ (3) Prepare themselves by a good confession, or, if necessary, a general confession of their whole life; (4) Avoid all dangerous familiarity in word or act while in each other's company.

The Baltimore Catechism states...

Q. What should Catholics do to prepare for a holy and happy marriage? 

A. To prepare for a holy and happy marriage, Catholics should: first, pray that God may direct their choice; second, seek the advice of their parents+ and confessors; third, practice the virtues, especially chastity: fourth, frequently receive [worthily] the sacraments of Penance and Holy Eucharist.

+ Note that above references to parents doubtless assumes certain things [e.g. good, orthodox (small 'o'), available Catholic parents with proper motives who are sincerely interested in the spiritual well-being of their offspring]. Furthermore, note that obedience to parents has appropriate limits.

As to what are the 'most important' things in preparing for a Catholic wedding, I can only give my opinion. Remember that the wedding ceremony may be an hour or so long, but marriage is for life – and it may have a significant effect on one's health, happiness, offspring, and even on one's chances for salvation – so I would concern myself far more with preparation for the marriage than with wedding plans. That being said, my first thoughts are...

* To be sure that both the man and woman are capable of marriage and have no impediments

* To be sure that both parties understand and unwaveringly accept that marriage is for life, no matter what comes after they say 'I do'

* To be certain that both parties are sufficiently mature and spiritually prepared for marriage

* To be sure that both parties have the proper intentions/dispositions (including the intent to be faithful to each other for their entire lives)

* To be sure that both parties are compatible spiritually (e.g. both are spiritually likeminded, practicing Catholics)

* To be certain that both parties can enter into a valid sacramental marriage

* To be confident that both parties place God 'first' in their lives

* To shun mixed marriage (try here for more on this topic)

* To be certain that decisions regarding selection of a partner have not been merely superficial (e.g. based on one's looks or recreational preferences)

* That the man & woman be extremely confident in the good character of each another [e.g. by looking at each party's past & present actions (not just words), by considering how they react to difficult situations & conflicts, by considering their commitment to others, and even putting sufficient thought into the other party's upbringing/family life, etc.]

* That sufficient time has passed in order to really know the other person (but not too much time that their commitment could be questionable)

* That each party's motives for marriage are proper

* To make sure the couple understands & accepts primary purpose of marriage and is fully open to lovingly receive all the new lives that God may choose to bless them with

* To be sure that the couple appreciates the God-given, traditional roles of men & women (including the husband being the breadwinner for the family and the wife having a duty of obedience)

* To follow all proper requirements for marriage in the church

* To sincerely love each other and seek the other's good

* To pray diligently (perhaps praying the rosary together daily for their upcoming marriage)

As for the wedding ceremony itself, my first thoughts are...

* Always puts God first

* Include the Blessed Virgin Mary in the ceremony (e.g. prayerfully & lovingly place flowers at Our Lady's statue)

* Ensure that the couple is in a state of grace before the ceremony

* Keep in mind that it won't matter how beautiful the ceremony was if the marriage itself is bad

* Ensure that the couple & and the entire bridal party is modestly dressed (and the guests as well)

* Ensure that attendees know not to receive Holy Communion unless they are properly disposed Catholics in a state of grace

* Consider seeking a traditional Nuptial Mass [Note: Remember that the faithful are entitled to request ALL sacraments according to their traditional rites, including the Nuptial Mass (try here for information).]

* Follow all requirements for a proper Catholic wedding

* Do not overspend on a wedding that may harm your future (e.g. if blessing of a child comes right away)

* Do all in your power to seek God's blessings for your marriage


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Other Resources:

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Catholic Wedding (Topic Page)

Marriage (Topic Page)

 

  

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