Adoption: The Loving Choice

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Myth...

Truth...

"People don't adopt anymore"

Adoption figures may be as high as 4-5% of births, about 40,000 - 50,000 adoptions a year (with an estimated 20,000+ babies of U.S. birth). Many, many families are affected by adoption.

"The birth parents will come back for the child"

Contested adoptions may be as low as 1%. When adoptions are finalized, the law regards the adoptive family the child's family.

"Placing a child for adoption means the mother didn't care for or doesn't love the baby"

The mother cares so much that she does what is best for the baby:

Rather than kill it (abortion), the birth mother entrusts it to loving adoptive parents. 

Rather than try raise it, she gives it two parents who are ready and equipped to give it a proper upbringing.

The fact that a woman isn't ready or able to raise a child for 20ish years does not mean she doesn't love the child. As we see in Holy Scripture, the true mother - the one that really loves the child - is even willing to give the child up in order to protect it (1 Kings 3:16-28).

"The mother is cheating the child"

The mother is giving the child the gift of life and the gift of good parents. Research shows that adoptees may be better adjusted and generally have a strong attachment to their adoptive parents.

"The child is better off with its biological parent"

Children adopted to two parent families may have far fewer health, behavioral, and educational problems than those raised by a single parent.

"Adoptees are maladjusted"

Adoption has a proven record of success. In fact, adoptees generally rate their adoptive parents highly and may be better adjusted than others who weren't adopted. Those who attempt to raise children when they are not ready for the responsibility often are the ones who have maladjusted children. 

"Adoption is abandoning my child"

Adoption is the entrustment of your child to new parents who are better equipped for the lifelong commitment of raising it. 

"Adoption hurts the mother or the child"

Adoption benefits everyone - the birth parents, the child, and the adoptive parents.

Benefits for the mother may include:

• Satisfaction of knowing you provided your child with a loving home and capable parents, the kind of home you would provide yourself if you could

• Medical / financial assistance

• Abortion-minded women may avoid the medical complications and future psychological and health concerns associated with abortion Click here for more information

• Ability to pursue dreams knowing that your child is being properly taken care of

• Freedom from guilt associated with the serious crime of abortion or with attempting to raise a child in a poor environment

• The happy knowledge that you provided a childless couple with a child

Benefits for the child may include:

• Rather than being aborted (killed), it may enjoy it's very life!

• A loving home with two parents who are willing and ready - and have time - to parent

• An emotionally mature, positive, and nurturing environment (possibly with siblings)

• Better opportunities

Benefits for the adoptive parents may include:

• The joy and blessing of raising and loving a precious child!

"One who gives birth to a child should raise the child"

Bearing a child is an approximate 9 month long biological function of that most women are able to do when their body is sufficiently mature. The same woman who may be able to bear a child may be completely unsuited to raise the child.

Raising a child is a lifetime commitment that is completely distinct and different from bearing one. Successfully raising a child requires a sufficient degree of maturity as well as a firm commitment, a lot of time, and certain resources.

The two functions are completely different. A simple look at the facts will show you the damage caused to children by being raised by biological parents who were ill-suited to parent. 

"I couldn't do that to my child"

Adoption isn't doing something "to" a child, it is doing something "for" a child. It is wanting and trying to provide the best possible upbringing for the child.

Rather than killing the child (abortion) or raising it in an environment that evidence shows is not ideal (e.g. single parent families, families with immature parents), adoption may provide the child with a happy, loving, emotionally mature upbringing, where they can develop into happy, healthy adults. Isn't that what you really want for your child?

"Adoption is giving up my child"

"Adoption is not the giving up of the child, but the giving of the child to the adoptive parents and the giving of the adoptive parents to the child."

"Only a bad parent gives their child up for adoption"

Actually, a bad parent might kill their child (abortion) or try to raise it themselves in a improper environment.

To be a good parent means putting the child first. Those who place their child for adoption may do so to benefit of the child, not being concerned about a selfish desire not to be considered a "bad parent". This may be illustrated by Holy Scripture where we find that the good mother is even willing to give the child up in order to protect it (1 Kings 3:16-28).

Note that even if one may not make a good parent now, it doesn't mean that he or she will never make a good parent. A child, however, can't wait around. They need good parents now.

"Adoptive parents won't love my child as much as I would"

Love is unrelated to biology. Adoptive parents love their adoptive children as much as biological parents love theirs. Adopted children are loved, wanted, and chosen. 

"There is a long wait for adoption"

The average wait for a domestic adoption may be less than two years. As many as 93% may have been completed in under two years.

"Adoptions are expensive"

The costs of adoption may be comparable to the cost of giving birth at a hospital. The cost may be comparable to the cost of a car (but unlike a car, an adoption is precious and lasts a lifetime!)

"Adoption is the buying of a baby"

Adoption is regulated by law and the buying of children is illegal. Expenses are for the actual costs related to the adoption, not a price for the child.

"There is no one to take my baby"

There are thousands and thousands of people waiting and anxious to adopt babies. There are even many people on waiting lists to adopt children with a variety of very serious medical conditions.