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User-Submitted Article:
The Liberal
Dilemma, Expressed in Formulas
Fun With
Math: A Conservative's "Fun Way" to Estimate a Liberal's
Behavior
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The Liberal Dilemma, Expressed in
Formulas
Fun With Math: A Conservative's "Fun Way" to Estimate
a Liberal's Behavior
By
"Math Nerd"
|
Summary: A Conservative's "Fun Way" to Estimate a Liberal's
Behavior Using Mathematics
Keywords: Conservatives, Liberals, Politics, Political, Math,
Mathematics, Formulas, Predicting Human Behavior |
As I tend to be somewhat analytical, I will take
up the challenge to expand on the "liberal formula". Although
conservatives may be familiar with the dilemma of discussing important
issues with liberals, they probably have never considered such
adventures in terms of formulas. I can quite easily think in such terms,
so I will present the results of those thoughts here. May they be of
some assistance. If not, may they at least be amusing.
- - - - -
Formula Summary:
1: Toleration Factor - How long a liberal will tolerate a conservative
2: Conversion Factor - How a liberal defines truth
3: Sway Factor - The chance of convincing a liberal who initially
disagrees with you
4: Wiggle Factor - When a liberal is caught in a contradiction
5: Treatment Factor - How a liberal will treat a conservative
- - - - -
Formula 1: Toleration Factor - How long a
liberal will tolerate a conservative
T = length of toleration, in seconds
A = amount of time available to liberal
Lo = liberal opinion, expressed numerically
Co = conservative opinion, expressed numerically
If Lo = Co, then T = A * 1
If Lo <> Co, then T = A * 0
Observation: Liberal is very tolerant
unless he disagrees with you.
Formula 2: Conversion Factor - How a liberal defines truth
T = Truth
Lp = liberal position, expressed numerically (>0)
F = Facts, expressed numerically (>0)
Sa = Spin (additions) [Items liberals want added to the facts, proof not
necessary (expressed numerically)] (>=0)
Sd = Spin (deletions) [Items liberals want subtracted from the facts,
proof not necessary (expressed numerically)] (>=0)
Sr = Spin (re-interpretations) [Items to be "re-interpreted" (no proof
necessary), expressed numerically]
| | = absolute value
If F = Lp, Then F = T
If F <> Lp, Then T = | F + Sa - Sd + (F * Sr) | = Lp, where Sr = (Lp - F
- Sa + Sd) / F
Observations: 1-"Truth" always agrees with
liberal position, 2-Spin will always make truth "agree" with liberal
position
Formula 3: Sway Factor - The chance of convincing a liberal who
initially disagrees with you
Cl = Chance of convincing a liberal (expressed as a percentage)
T = Truth, expressed numerically
F = Number of facts supporting your position
R = Number of reasoned arguments supporting your position
E = Quantity of evidence supporting your position
D = Value of empirical data supporting your position
B = Number of biblical references in support of your position
X = Number of experts you can bring forward to support your position
Cl = (T + F + R + E + D + B + X) * 0
Observation: There is zero chance of
convincing a liberal who doesn't agree with you, regardless of the
facts, evidence, biblical support, etc.
Formula 4: Wiggle Factor - When a liberal is caught in a
contradiction
Ls = Liberal's indicated position on an issue, stated numerically
La = Acton of liberal, expressed numerically
Ws = Wiggle situation
E = Exception(s)
R = Reinterpretation
D = Deny
I = Ignore
C = Condemnation of one who points out that Ls <> La (may take any form
- e.g. name calling, personal attacks, etc.)
P = Physical response directed at C (may take any form - e.g. raising
voice, finger wagging, 'evil looks', etc.)
If Ls <> La, then Ws [only if liberal is caught, otherwise I]
If Ws, then E and/or R and/or D and/or I and/or C and/or P (in any
order, in any multiple)
Observation: If a liberal is caught in a
contradiction, various options are open to him: Make an exception,
reinterpret, issue denials, ignore the situation, condemn their accuser,
etc. These options may be used individually or collectively in any order
whatsoever. Each may be used as many times as needed. "Real life
example": Liberal says censorship is wrong (Ls). Liberal caught
censoring (La). Therefore liberal makes exception, reinterprets, denies,
or ignores. Often liberal will condemn the one who points out the
contradiction and will direct a physical response at that person (e.g.
raising voice) in an effort to deflect criticism from himself or to
change subjects. Under no circumstances will Ls change. In no event will
La be changed or condemned. The liberal will never admit plainly that Ls
<> La. If you try to make him admit this, expect an increase in C and P.
Formula 5: Treatment Factor - How a liberal will treat a conservative
Lp = Liberal position
Cp = Conservative position
L = Label [the more offensive the better, no correspondence with truth
necessary, no limitation on subject matter, may be applied to person or
position or both]
Wy = Write off
Wn = Don't write off
If Lp = Cp, then Wn
If Lp <> Cp, then immediate L
If L, then Wy immediately without further discussion or consideration
Note: At liberal's convenience, any manner of
brush-off may substitute for L
Observation "in plain English": If liberal
disagrees with conservative, liberal will quickly label conservative.
Once labeled, conservative will be summarily disregarded with no thought
given to evidence supporting conservative's position, regardless of how
well-documented, factual, or scientific the evidence may be. The more
offensive the label is, the better. There is no need for label to
correspond with truth. Liberal will not rethink position. Liberal only
needs to think of label that will be offensive. Label does not need to
correspond with subject matter at hand. Any offensive name will do. Or,
if liberal is in hurry or can't think of label, or for any other reason
- or no reason - a simple brush-off can replace the label (e.g. "that's
so stupid I won't even discuss it"). There are no rules for brush-offs.
Any excuse, thought, or comment will do. No substantiation or
explanation is necessary, nor will it be provided if asked.
- - - - -
Aren't liberals fun? If they weren't before, maybe
they will seem more fun now that you can mathematically estimate their
behavior in advance. Enjoy.
 Signature:
"Math Nerd"
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