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The Liberal Dilemma, Expressed in Formulas

Fun With Math: A Conservative's "Fun Way" to Estimate a Liberal's Behavior

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This is a user-submitted article. We make no guarantees regarding any item herein. Note that views of author do not necessarily reflect our views.


The Liberal Dilemma, Expressed in Formulas

Fun With Math: A Conservative's "Fun Way" to Estimate a Liberal's Behavior

By "Math Nerd"

Summary: A Conservative's "Fun Way" to Estimate a Liberal's Behavior Using Mathematics

Keywords: Conservatives, Liberals, Politics, Political, Math, Mathematics, Formulas, Predicting Human Behavior

As I tend to be somewhat analytical, I will take up the challenge to expand on the "liberal formula". Although conservatives may be familiar with the dilemma of discussing important issues with liberals, they probably have never considered such adventures in terms of formulas. I can quite easily think in such terms, so I will present the results of those thoughts here. May they be of some assistance. If not, may they at least be amusing.

- - - - -

Formula Summary:

1: Toleration Factor - How long a liberal will tolerate a conservative

2: Conversion Factor - How a liberal defines truth

3: Sway Factor - The chance of convincing a liberal who initially disagrees with you

4: Wiggle Factor - When a liberal is caught in a contradiction

5: Treatment Factor - How a liberal will treat a conservative

- - - - -

Formula 1: Toleration Factor - How long a liberal will tolerate a conservative

T = length of toleration, in seconds

A = amount of time available to liberal

Lo = liberal opinion, expressed numerically

Co = conservative opinion, expressed numerically

If Lo = Co, then T = A * 1

If Lo <> Co, then T = A * 0

Observation: Liberal is very tolerant unless he disagrees with you.

Formula 2: Conversion Factor - How a liberal defines truth

T = Truth

Lp = liberal position, expressed numerically (>0)

F = Facts, expressed numerically (>0)

Sa = Spin (additions) [Items liberals want added to the facts, proof not necessary (expressed numerically)] (>=0)

Sd = Spin (deletions) [Items liberals want subtracted from the facts, proof not necessary (expressed numerically)] (>=0)

Sr = Spin (re-interpretations) [Items to be "re-interpreted" (no proof necessary), expressed numerically]

| | = absolute value

If F = Lp, Then F = T

If F <> Lp, Then T = | F + Sa - Sd + (F * Sr) | = Lp, where Sr = (Lp - F - Sa + Sd) / F

Observations: 1-"Truth" always agrees with liberal position, 2-Spin will always make truth "agree" with liberal position

Formula 3: Sway Factor - The chance of convincing a liberal who initially disagrees with you

Cl = Chance of convincing a liberal (expressed as a percentage)

T = Truth, expressed numerically

F = Number of facts supporting your position

R = Number of reasoned arguments supporting your position

E = Quantity of evidence supporting your position

D = Value of empirical data supporting your position

B = Number of biblical references in support of your position

X = Number of experts you can bring forward to support your position

Cl = (T + F + R + E + D + B + X) * 0

Observation: There is zero chance of convincing a liberal who doesn't agree with you, regardless of the facts, evidence, biblical support, etc.

Formula 4: Wiggle Factor - When a liberal is caught in a contradiction

Ls = Liberal's indicated position on an issue, stated numerically

La = Acton of liberal, expressed numerically

Ws = Wiggle situation

E = Exception(s)

R = Reinterpretation

D = Deny

I = Ignore

C = Condemnation of one who points out that Ls <> La (may take any form - e.g. name calling, personal attacks, etc.)

P = Physical response directed at C (may take any form - e.g. raising voice, finger wagging, 'evil looks', etc.)

If Ls <> La, then Ws [only if liberal is caught, otherwise I]

If Ws, then E and/or R and/or D and/or I and/or C and/or P (in any order, in any multiple)

Observation: If a liberal is caught in a contradiction, various options are open to him: Make an exception, reinterpret, issue denials, ignore the situation, condemn their accuser, etc. These options may be used individually or collectively in any order whatsoever. Each may be used as many times as needed. "Real life example": Liberal says censorship is wrong (Ls). Liberal caught censoring (La). Therefore liberal makes exception, reinterprets, denies, or ignores. Often liberal will condemn the one who points out the contradiction and will direct a physical response at that person (e.g. raising voice) in an effort to deflect criticism from himself or to change subjects. Under no circumstances will Ls change. In no event will La be changed or condemned. The liberal will never admit plainly that Ls <> La. If you try to make him admit this, expect an increase in C and P.

Formula 5: Treatment Factor - How a liberal will treat a conservative

Lp = Liberal position

Cp = Conservative position

L = Label [the more offensive the better, no correspondence with truth necessary, no limitation on subject matter, may be applied to person or position or both]

Wy = Write off

Wn = Don't write off

If Lp = Cp, then Wn

If Lp <> Cp, then immediate L

If L, then Wy immediately without further discussion or consideration

Note: At liberal's convenience, any manner of brush-off may substitute for L

Observation "in plain English": If liberal disagrees with conservative, liberal will quickly label conservative. Once labeled, conservative will be summarily disregarded with no thought given to evidence supporting conservative's position, regardless of how well-documented, factual, or scientific the evidence may be. The more offensive the label is, the better. There is no need for label to correspond with truth. Liberal will not rethink position. Liberal only needs to think of label that will be offensive. Label does not need to correspond with subject matter at hand. Any offensive name will do. Or, if liberal is in hurry or can't think of label, or for any other reason - or no reason - a simple brush-off can replace the label (e.g. "that's so stupid I won't even discuss it"). There are no rules for brush-offs. Any excuse, thought, or comment will do. No substantiation or explanation is necessary, nor will it be provided if asked.

- - - - -

Aren't liberals fun? If they weren't before, maybe they will seem more fun now that you can mathematically estimate their behavior in advance. Enjoy.

Signature ImageSignature: "Math Nerd"


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